Heart in pain

By Kelli Busey
Sept. 05, 2008

I have received calls from as far as California asking me about Who is mad at HRC and why? What is HRC's response?
"Why are transgender people so mad?" I will speak of my life.

I am in a place I never thought to be. I recently became aware spiritually and received saving grace and salvation through my church and minister. I sought Jesus Christ to help me in transition and I received unconditional love.

An irresistible force drew me, a transgender woman to the Methodist General Conference 2008. I was given an opportunity to be a participant in the Struggle with people who so lovingly desperately desire what I was experiencing in my church, not just conditional admission but full inclusion. I believe many understood it is my love of Christ and the Reconciling ministries(RMN) devotion and commitment to radical inclusion that kept me at FT Worth even after learning that Pastor Phoenix would be allowed to return to his church.

Then the unthinkable began. I found myself in disbelief since attending my church as members of my congregation who's Churches second mission statement Does not "stand idly by" in the face of inequity and injustice seemed content to remain unaware and unconcerned with the spreading violence targeting the gender diverse.

With much prayer and thought I concluded that the church was responsible to be at least aware of and hopefully address the murders and mutilation of transgender people who are from 10 to 1,000 times more likely to be murdered.
It became my understanding that my church and social organizations are as responsible as the very same people who commit this violence because they have CHOSSEN to remain silent or have in fact perpetuated the conception that Transgender lives are somehow LESS than gay or lesbian lives.

I authored and circulated an online petition asking that Bishop Robinson of the New Hampshire Anglican Diocese that he not support spiritual violence by not attending the Human Rights campaigns(HRC) Dallas fundraiser in November 2008. We Queers believe that although HRC has done much to benefit transgender people it committed an unrepentant atrocity against us by not following thru on its promise to commit only to a gender inclusive ENDA.

The copies of the online petition that I handed out were folded and put in pockets as the person I was talking to eyes rolled back with promises to read it later.

I have spent hours with local Ministers and in one conversation with my transgender minister I learned that he was planning to attend the D.C. HRC pastors call. I asked my pastor to please consider my request he not go. He promised me he would think and pray of this as we do in the Reconciling Ministries. It is the act of conversation that is to me, all important.

Two weeks later I asked my pastor his thoughts and he said he had not given it consideration and would I send him some more information. I found this to be intolerable. I sat in the foyers before service and watched as the $8 "Would Jesus Discriminate" tee shirts were being sold.

The hypocrisy and timing of his made me so mad I made my own sign. And I stood outside the church as people were going home. I was asked by offended people "is this something to do with that paper you handed out?" and "I supported you transgender at the Methodist Conference" and "What is HRC?".

MY shame and sorrow excaberated when my pastor called the next day to tell me that everyone wondered why I was mad at the church. He also said in that 20 hours since Sunday he had become fully aware of 20 years of previously unknown LGBT history and had decided that he was going to support HRC. It is my opinion that he did fully understand the reason why I was angry Sunday and decided to let the congregation focus their anger at me and my perceived rejection of the church. Call it dis or misinformation, it jeopardised my life and boils down to the deception which enabled spiritual violence, the very thing I am campaigning against.

We are rejected and marginalized by our Churches, social organizations, legislatures and Judicial branches. We are angry at the intentional ignorance of many Gay and Lesbians.

So now I am feel alienated by what is most important to me, my church. I hurt so much. I am asking for your guidance. How do I reconcile my anger and return to my church.


Queers United said...

the video of the tran man was very beautiful thanks for sharing it. id imagine the sign is offensive to people in the church because it contains the swastika. HRC may not be the best organization for trans rights but I think equating HRC with nazism is over the line. HRC has advocated for trans people in many arenas and sadly has not with regards to ENDA but that does not make them equivalent to wanting to exterminate trans people. id urge you to reconsider your stance on HRC. im not saying you shouldnt raise awareness and urge them to change, but i dont think this is the correct route of doing so.

planet trans said...

What is different about HRC's methodology? Both deployed extortion and preyed on the most vulnerable. HRC given the opportunity will proceed to find all but the rich undeserving. Oh wait a min it, they already have done that step. Next......If a sign that speaks a harsh truth offends someone...When Solomense is fired and HRC apologizes for allowing itself to be so used to give credence to murder I will reconsider.......If an organization that uses transgender violence as a tool to obtain money to extort congress to fight us then it is using Nazi tactics. If an orginizaion uses the money they get from Transgender murder to finance the politcal party that seeks to remove us from all protection they are Nazi.

Daran said...

from 10 to 1,000 times more likely to be murdered

Thanks for the link, but it you read what I said the answer to the rhetorical question in the title is "no", transgender people are not 1000 times more likely to be murdered, not even close. 10 to 15 times more likely is what the figures say, which is bad enough, of course.

Most people who read what you wrote will just see the "1000 times" bit. Chances are someone will quote it like that, dropping the "10 to" bit. Thus are myths born in the internet echo chamber. The reality of the violence faced by transgender people is bad enough. Let's not terrify them further with grossly inflated figures.

cybelline1 said...

Kelli - months ago I wrote a comment on your blog about my own anger and distrust of the LG community toward transgender persons like myself. You wrote back to me with such heartfelt tenderness and urged me to continue working with them. In the intervening months I have repeatedly read your blog and your frustration with the blind marginalization and segregation we are treated with by the LG turncoats. I read the snotty replies tossed back at you by queers united and whoever this Daran character is. Their comments are designed to make you feel inferior as if your rage is somehow trite and unimportant because your just another silly tranny. How you possibly know how angry you really are? Who are you to recognize their hate-driven collusion with the abuse against transgender peoples everywhere? You are nothing but another joke on David Letterman or Jay Leno (May their flesh rot and may they be afflicted with boils) Now is my turn to support you with tenderness. I urge you to seek spiritual enlightenment not from the upstart dead male god of the christians. But from She who is eternal love - never dying universal Mother of us all. She does not claim to be our creator or the creator of a hate filled world. She simply is - immutable and the foremother of us all. In her arms we find the solace and strength to persevere over our enemies in this unbelieving world

planet trans said...

Dear Cybelline1, it's good to hear from you.I am so happy we made a connection, I am honored by your concern and kindness,it's been a rough few weeks. I love it when people voice their opinions and when it differs from mine and is from someone like Queers United whom I value for his integrity, honesty and willingness to risk his hard earned readership to discuss a unpopular view point, I am honored also. We all are neighbours you, Queers United, daran and I.
Jesus is my saviour. In my conversation with my pastor(he still is, he got the connection) He told me about some extraordinary. We have in our very church people who do not believe in the Jesus, much as you, yet they attend this service regularly. Extraordinary. I am a contributor to the Reconciling Ministries. It is an awesome group of faith survivors. I ask them as I do you and all my friends for guidance. Sometimes it's kinda rough and sometimes it's reassureing. So thank you dear Cybelline1 and hope to hear from you soon~:)k